haven’t been on here much lately, been spending more time at my other blog just journaling about stuff i’ve been going through.  experiencing some heartbreak right now.  mostly brought it on myself, i knew going in to it that it probably wouldn’t work out, but i just wanted to BE with someone.  it was weak and immature but i guess i’m learning the lesson right now.  he wasn’t a bad guy, just wasn’t the right one for me, and i don’t think he wanted to get super serious, especially with someone with a child.  but he was kind and honest about his feelings and never screwed me over.  still hurts and i still miss him.

not sure when i’ll be back in the groove.  haven’t eaten much in a few days and although i feel like crap, i just don’t have an appetite.  hoping in the next week or so i get my appetite back and get motivated to go to the gym.  until then just trying to drink lots of water, be around people that care about me, and focus on truth.

Go figure

I’ve lost about 5 pounds in the last month. It’s interesting cuz really all I’ve been doing is starting very casually doing the 5 lifts from stronglifts, a lil bit of running, and cutting my grains and sugars during the week. So interesting. I haven’t counted a single calorie or tortured myself with long drawn out cardio sessions. I’m happy about this!


Post run lovins from my sweet kittyboy

love this.


Post run lovins from my sweet kittyboy

love this.

fighting the negative

dealing with some serious self doubt these last few days.  i don’t know why.  i know that up until last weekend i was feeling super excited about the guy i’ve been seeing, and then for some reason this weekend i felt like maybe he wasn’t as in to me.  but now i’m thinking that perhaps it’s me that is afraid and i’m projecting that on him or something?  i think that’s something that happens to me a lot honestly.  my mental attitude about myself isn’t positive, so i assume that others don’t find me attractive/funny/interesting, etc. i know i’m also feeling insecure about measuring up to his last girlfriend and comparing myself, wondering HOW in to me he is at this point.  and we all know what a great idea it is to think like that, don’t we??? ;)

i guess some of it has to do with my physical appearance not being what i want it to be right now, but probably also just what’s going on in my heart/mind - true health and happiness really is about all those things i know. Anyway, I was going to go to the gym and lift tonight, and it’s not that I don’t want to do that, but it’s a gorgeous fall day out and i think it would do amazing things for my mind and heart to get outside and walk/run.  so that’s what i’m gonna do. 




School is really important: Reading, writing, arithmetic. But what they tend to do is teach you reading, writing, arithmetic…then teach you reading, writing, arithmetic again. Then again, then again, just making it harder and harder just to keep you busy. And that’s where I think they messed up. There should be a class on drugs. There should be a class on sex education. No, REAL sex education class, not just pictures and illogical terms…There should be a class on scams, there should be a class on religious cults, there should be a class on police brutality, there should be a class on apartheid, there should be a class on racism in America, there should be a class on why people are hungry, but there not, their class is on…gym….Their class is like Algebra. we have yet to go a store and said, “Can I have X Y + 2 and give me my Y change back, thank you.” You know?…Like foreign languages. I think that they are important, but I don’t think it should be required. Actually, they should be teaching you English, and then teach you how to understand double talk, politician’s double talk. Not teaching you how to understand French and Spanish and GERMAN. When am I going to Germany? I can’t afford to pay my rent in America! How am I going to Germany?

—Tupac, Age 17 On the Topic of Education, 1988.

not fitness related but too good not to reblog.

(Source: ebonyeyes1984, via surviveawholelife)

too bad you can’t tell your boss to calm her tits

cuz it needs to be said.


just did some video watching and it turns out the overhead press, deadlift, and barbell row that my friend showed me aren’t exactly what i should be doing.  not that what i’ve been doing is bad, but it’s not really the intended lift, and if i’m going to do the program i might as well stick with the recommended form right?  since i’m not that far in to it I’m thinking I may just start over at day one doing them the right way.  i’m starting to feel like the only thing my friend showed me that is right is the bench press.  any thoughts from those that have done stronglifts…did you find yourself modifying the lifts at all?

i don’t think i have any haters but if i did, this would be the best way to look at it.

i don’t think i have any haters but if i did, this would be the best way to look at it.

(via aeonflex-deactivated20130517)

love mayhem.

(via queenbliss)